Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
