Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
