He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
