Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i think i just lost a toe
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
