was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
