listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
