I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
