Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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