I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize