so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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