when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
