i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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