So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
cat food counts as protein by the way
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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