Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
