There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
