I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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