Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize