it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
