Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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