I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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