wanna go halves on a baby?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
