And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
