he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
