all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
