and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
