I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
