respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
