So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
