took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize