I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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