I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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