I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize