I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
