is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
