did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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