I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
