those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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