I wish my penis had an off switch
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
