broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize