if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
