apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
