Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
