The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
