he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
