dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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