im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
