omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize