Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
