Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
