she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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