Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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