I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
