I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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