Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
