I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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