just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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