I hate your face
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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