a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My dick has a subreddit
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
