Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
