If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
