i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
