I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize