The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
