i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
