Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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