Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
