I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
