we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
