K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
