I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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