we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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