I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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