So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
