If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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